- June 9, 2020
COUNSEL ON PARENTING
Mostpeople do not recognize how tough it is to be a parent up until theybecome one. Parents are responsible for the welfare, safety, andeducation of their kids from the time they are born till earlyadulthood1.Parents must set rules, develop routines and set expectations all inthe effort to see their kids achieve the best. The paper purports toexplain the guidelines for parents on proper child-raising, ways tohandle children with special needs, and goes ahead to discuss theimportance of love in the family.
Guidelinesfor parents with teens
Teenagershave been known to be the most troublesome individuals. As soon aschildren hit puberty, they begin to change their behaviors. It is thetime when they require the most molding because it is then that theirfuture is determined. The bible says, “Hear, my son, your father’sinstruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.”2
Parentsmust show love and positive attention to kids at this stage. Theyshould not assume that their teens know how much they love them.Additionally, parents should respect their feelings. They need toinform the kids regarding the benefits of eating and encourage themto observe meal time3. Having regular meals with the rest of the family members is the bestway through which teenagers can take part in bonding.
Gettingto know what technology a teenager is using and encouraging cybersafety is key to raising responsible adolescents. Placing computersin common home areas would be a good idea for monitoring teens untilthey are sufficiently mature to stay on their own4.Rules against sharing personal details online, meeting up withstrangers they have meet over the social networks, and chatting whiledriving are some important cyber safety rules that might end upsaving their lives.
Whenraising teenagers it is important to set limits and to be concise.While establishing the parameters, parents must be clear as toexactly what they want. For example, instead of giving them a warningnot to stay out late, an exact time as to when they are required tobe home should be set. In setting such rules, a parent should bereasonable. It means that a parent should not set rules that theyknow are impossible for their kids5.A kid who has been known to be messy or careless should not be givenan ultimatum to have a spotless room.
Moreimportantly, parents of teenagers should also learn how to enforcethe supposed consequences. Otherwise, the rules that have been setmight be taken for granted. For the well-being of the kids, parentsshould learn how to be guardians to their kids first beforeprioritizing friendship6.Setting a positive example is another key element in raisingteenagers as they tend to behave in accordance to what they see theirparents doing not what they hear them saying.
Anyparent looks for a disciplinary technique that is effective. However,all procedures cannot be suitable for all ages. The following is aguide that matches different discipline methods to diverse agegroups.
Time-out:this form of punishment is used by most parents to punish all kindsof bad behaviors. When used consistently, it works. It is used forkids between the ages of two and eight. Some simple guidelines whenusing this approach include not prolonging the durations andeliminating cheats such as playing or watching television duringtimeouts7.
Denyingnormal privileges: includes taking away their favorite toys andforbidding them from activities that they enjoy. For the older kids,it can involve denying them access to their gadgets or even theirfavorite TV shows and grounding them to tasks. These sets ofpunishments work well for kids all ages. In administeringpunishments, being consistent is crucial for maintaining a parent’sstand8.Considering privilege that the child cherishes most helps as a roveof howserious a parent is with the discipline process.
Logicalconsequences are another form of punishment that could be used forall ages. For instance, if a child deliberately throws a ball andhits the window to the point that it breaks, the parent should payfor the damages through their allowance, or instead the child begiven small jobs around the house to carter for the amount. Suchpunishments will force them to be more careful the next time. Thebook of Proverbs states, “Train up a child in the way he shouldgo even when he is old he will not depart from it9.”
Spankingis another form of discipline that normally works well with agesbetween two to five. However, this strategy never be done in angerand needs to be applied in instances of specific misbehaviors thoseconsidered to be extreme10.
Guidelinefor parents dealing with a child with academic problems at school
Theimportance of school for a child’s development cannot be debated.However, a recent study conducted by North Carolina University hasfound that when parents of autistic children are involved, theirresults on academic performance were immense11.Parental involvement includes attendance of school meetings, checkingof homework, and discussion of school events and activities while athome.
Thesame study also concluded that for schools to achieve similar resultsas those received when parents are involved, they would be forced toincrease their spending by about $1000 for every pupil. Therefore,parents with kids who are struggling in school need to find more waysby which they could get more involved. This would in turn lead togreater interest by the child leading to better grades12.
Furthermore,when handling kids with learning disabilities such as ADHD, autism,and those that depend on math tutors, more precaution is required.The learning that one`s child has special needs is always a painfuland confusing experience for most parents. Even when a diagnosis ismade, parents go through emotional turmoil before accepting the factthat the child is having learning disabilities. When they finallyaccept the situation, it is easier to ask for help from professionalswho have experience in handling such cases13.When looking for help for the child, parents should understand thattheir role is not to cure the child, but to provide the him or herwith emotional and social tools needed for overcoming the challenges.
Inseeking help, parents should maintain a close relationship with thechild’s teachers14.Additionally, software such as spectronics contains packages thatmight come in handy. Special tutors, who are available by demand, canalso assist such students.
Whyfathers should be more involved
Afather figure does not necessarily mean one’s biological dad itcould be the step dad, an uncle or even a godfather. A recent studyconducted by the Research Alliance deduced that the effect of dads onkids begins as early as at birth. The research also showed thatchildren who had more involved fathers had higher chances of becomingsecure emotionally, and were ready to explore new things15.That is to say, such kids tend to be more confident when facing newsituations. Toddlers who had involved fathers were seen to be betterproblem solvers.
Whileat school, kids with involved fathers are seen to do better inacademics. For instance, a study conducted by the Department ofEducation of the U.S found that 33 percent of children with involvedfathers were less probable to repeat a class. The study also showedthat girls whose fathers were more involved had higher self-esteem.Teen girls who had closer relationships with their fathers had lowerchances of becoming pregnant16.
Whenevermothers worry about their kids, fathers are required to encourage theyoung ones to take risks. Fathers are most expected to incite theirkids into swimming in the deep end, talking their kids intoovercoming obstacles amongst other risks. These risks at times payout leading to more confident kids who are equally strongeremotionally. Fathers are also known to discipline their kids morefirmly while enforcing order17.
Nevertheless,it is important to have both parents around. Moreover, differentapproaches of parenting from both sides are important in molding achild. The two parents have distinctive yet complementary roles inthe upbringing of children18.
Whyparents should love one another and the child
Childrenconstantly watch their parents. They act as sponges and absorbeverything that they witness in their emotional environment. Therelationship between the two parents is keenly scrutinized with everyeye roll being noticed and every criticism being heard. Kids pickpatterns from parents such as yelling at each other as well as beingangry, and start owning such traits when dealing with others19.Traits such as yelling, being quick to anger, and even violence maynegatively impact kids throughout their lives.
Havinga sense that things are not right between parents makes kids anxiousand tense. They may in turn lash out or try to hide these emotions.In hiding the feelings, they end up getting stressed andover-indulging in food, TV or video games. In some cases, parentsmight go as far as asking a child to pick a side during a disputebetween them while unaware of the kind of stress they are putting onthe young individuals20.
Onthe other hand, when parents are in love and happy in their marriage,the kids are free from stress, both at home and even outside. Throughthis, the parents offer their kids a sense of security and stability,giving them a better attitude when facing the world21.Lovely parents generally raise happy children who are comfortable intheir daily lives.
Whenparents show love to their children, they feel safe and confidentirrespective of their accomplishments. This in turn helps to buildhigher levels of self-esteem in children. Many ways through whichparents can make their kids feel loved include hugging, tickling,playing with them, and holding hands while walking. When a child getsolder and becomes less reliant on physical affection, hearing thattheir parents love them from time to time is a way of reassurance22.
Conclusively,every parent wants to see their kids becoming successful. As commonlyput, there is never any form of parenting manual that works for everygroup of parents. However, through a series of trial and error,parents are able to know what works best for them and their kids.Consistency, mutual respect, parental involvement, and showingchildren that they are loved are some crucial factors in parenting.
Bible,King James Version, and King James Version. "Bible Gateway."Accessed July 10 (2014).
Dobson,James C. James C. Dobson Parenting Collection. Carol Stream, Ill:Tyndale House Publishers, 2013.
Dobson,James C. Dr. Dobson`s Handbook of Family Advice: Encouragement andPractical Help for Your Home. Harvest House Publishers, 2012. 1-130
Dobson,J. C. Temper Your Child`s Tantrums: How Firm, Loving Discipline WillLead to a More Peaceful Home. Tyndale House Publishers, Inc..(2014).
Holden,George W. Parenting: A Dynamic Perspective. Los Angeles: SAGE, 2013.
Rosemond,John K. Parenting by the Book: Biblical Wisdom for Raising YourChild. New York: Howard Books, 2013
Swain,James E., "Parenting and beyond: Common Neurocircuits UnderlyingParental and Altruistic Caregiving." Parenting 12, no. 2-3(2012): 115-123.
Wells,Michael B., and Anna Sarkadi. "Do father-Friendly policiesPromote Father-Friendly Child-Rearing Practices? A review of SwedishParental Leave and Child Health Centers." Journal of Child andFamily Studies 21, no. 1 (2012): 25-31.
1 Dobson, James C. James C. Dobson Parenting Collection. Carol Stream, Ill: Tyndale House Publishers, 2013. 35
2 Bible, King James Version, and King James Version. "Bible Gateway." Accessed July 10 (2014). (Proverbs 1:8-9).
3 Dobson, James C. Dr. Dobson`s Handbook of Family Advice: Encouragement and Practical Help for Your Home. Harvest House Publishers, 2012. 11
4 Ibid. 25
5 Rosemond, John K. Parenting by the Book: Biblical Wisdom for Raising Your Child. New York: Howard Books, 2013.177
7 Holden, George W. Parenting: A Dynamic Perspective. Los Angeles: SAGE, 2013.
8 Swain, James E., "Parenting and beyond: Common Neurocircuits Underlying Parental and Altruistic Caregiving." Parenting 12, no. 2-3 (2012): 115
9 Bible, King James Version, and King James Version. "Bible Gateway." Accessed July 10 (2014). (Proverbs 22:6).
10 Dobson, J. C Temper Your Child`s Tantrums: How Firm, Loving Discipline Will Lead to a More Peaceful Home. Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.. . (2014).37
11 Holden, George W. Parenting: A Dynamic Perspective. Los Angeles: SAGE, 2013. 112
12 Swain, James E., "Parenting and beyond: common neurocircuits underlying parental and altruistic caregiving." Parenting 12, no. 2-3 (2012): 118
13 Ibid, 121
15 Wells, Michael B., and Anna Sarkadi. "Do father-friendly policies promote father-friendly child-rearing practices? A review of Swedish parental leave and child health centers." Journal of Child and Family Studies 21, no. 1 (2012): 25
17 Dobson, J. C. Temper Your Child`s Tantrums: How Firm, Loving Discipline Will Lead to a More Peaceful Home. Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. (2014).112
18 Holden, George W. Parenting: A Dynamic Perspective. Los Angeles: SAGE, 2013.23
19 Rosemond, John K. Parenting by the Book: Biblical Wisdom for Raising Your Child. New York: Howard Books, 2013 117
20 Ibid. 121
21 Dobson, J. C. Temper Your Child`s Tantrums: How Firm, Loving Discipline Will Lead to a More Peaceful Home. Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. (2014). 14
22 Ibid. 22